The Alpha Female
The alpha female comprises 40 percent of the female population and 20 percent of the total population. She may have been a tomboy when she was younger. She may be a mover and shaker in the business world, or a successful professional. She may be in a career that was traditionally male- dominated, such as a firefighter or aviator. Or the She may own her own business or trade, such a consulting business or law firm.
“Alpha” designates “the first” and we first started designating this to the leaders of animal packs, such as wolves. Many wolf packs have both an alpha female and an alpha male. He or she is usually the strongest and the bravest, the leader of the pack. She possesses such attributes as dominance, confidence, and a take-charge attitude. She has a high level of self-directedness, as she doggedly goes about her goals. She can be an aggressive, competitive high achiever, with a strong sense of mission. She can be a bold, creative innovative thinker. Often highly successful in the world, the traits of persistence, tenacity, determination and steadfastness help her to achieve her goals. In the business setting she will often do less damage than her alpha male counterpart, because one of her means of success is to tend and befriend other alphas, especially other alpha females. She often runs in packs with other alpha females, and the male who offends one member of the pack is going to have to deal with many members of the pack.
She can be trained not to let others take advantage of her, and if anyone should try, she is trained to hurt them in such a way that they will think twice before they ever try to do that again. She doesn’t blink first in a stare-down. She is trained to compete, and to win.
On top of it all, she is also often blessed with high levels of charisma, which she can use to charm others into agreeing with her. She is often good at persuasion, sometimes arguing with others until they either agree with her or shut up. When persuasion doesn’t work, she also knows how to intimidate, subtly or directly.
If you are an alpha female fifty years or older, you may have had to hide your alpha traits. As a child, you may have been labeled “boyish” or “unladylike” or “aggressive” or “uppity” or “inappropriate”. As you got older, when you exercised these traits, you may have been labeled as a “bitch.” In some cases, it was socially, or even physically dangerous to show your competitive, powerful self. You may have had to develop slyer ways of meeting your goals, such as manipulating others, or withholding information. Or you may have learned to be mean, or actually be bitchy. Younger women are now entering the executive, professional and political world, and don’t have to hide their alpha nature as much.
Some women are born with these traits because at their best, nature created them to protect and provide for and lead their family and community. Genetically, her traits prepare her well for survival, for herself and for those she loves.
Contemporarily, the she may get involved with her career in a world that limits her success less than it did. Then, at midlife, she may find herself unhappy, with a nagging sense that something is missing in her life. She may realize that she got so busy, that she forgot to cultivate relationships or start a family. She may have considered relationships outside of work bothersome or impractical. Yet she misses something in her life. She may be overworking, or toying with overuse of alcohol or even drugs. She may feel a subtle or blatant emptiness when she slows down long enough from pursuing her goals. She may review a series of failed intimate relationships. She looks at other couples; she looks with new longing at babies. Some of the other couples look happy, and she wonders how they do it. Other couples look bored with each other but stay married for convenience. She isn’t sure she wants that. She looks into the future, and considers the possibility that she might die lonely and alone, or perhaps surrounded by admirers, but still basically alone.
If she is in a relationship, or married, her family may experience her as critical or driven. If she balances career and relationship, especially if children are not involved, career may come first. She may find herself quick-tempered and impatient, with little time for discussion of differences with her mate. If she is partnered with a beta, her mate may consider her overbearing and bossy. If her partner is another alpha, she may find herself either in constant fights, cool aloof distance, or subdued herself.
Either without a partner or family, or in an unhappy relationship or marriage, she may begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, the problem may have something to do with her, even though she hates to admit it. Still, she may not have a clue what the problem is. And she doesn’t like that. After all, she is accustomed to identifying problems and solving them.
Winning at Love offers a clear analysis of the problem and step-by-step approaches for addressing the problems. The alpha female will have to practice, and she is capable of that. After all, she has learned and practiced skills in becoming successful in her business, profession or trade. She has practiced skills to improve her golf game, or skiing, or walking briskly in high heels. She can practice skills that will allow her to have a loving partnership. She is up to it. After all, she is the alpha female.
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