Love Problems
We hear a lot about how love problems have to do with “poor communication”. What does that mean? How can one address something as vague as that?
In Winning at Love, authors Pat Webster and Marty Groder offer an explanation for love problems in clear, simple, and easy-to-understand language. In a ground-breaking feat, they categorize problems into four categories, making it then easy to diagnose them. Then, they offer a step-by-step set of skills for addressing them, written in a “how to fix your lawnmower” style.
Addressing love problems requires that we make a commitment to ourselves to attend to small disconnects in our relationship before they either blow up or get swept under the rug so that our partnerships or marriages are stale and boring. We must also commit to absence of malice with one another. For some couples this is easy, for others difficult. Additionally, did you know that we each have an inner committee with many members and that we sometimes don’t know which member is going to pop up and speak when we are in the middle it? “Not I!” you say. But think about it. Have you ever been arguing and out of your mouth comes something you never thought you would say? Think about how you speak to a baby differently than you speak to a drunk in a bar or to your mate or to your business partner or to a competitior. This book helps you address problems by learning how to be the committee chair for this inner committee, so that who you want to speak shows up when you want them to speak. Also, when addressing problems we must learn how to tell our story in a way that is honest yet not attacking of our partner. We must learn to listen to our spouse or partner’s story. Then we must decide what kind of problem we are addressing.
While this book is useful for any couple who wants to address their problems it is also targeted to alpha males and females. Forty percent of the population, both male and female, is alpha. We started using the word alpha, which means “the first’, when speaking of leaders of animal groups such as wolf packs. Human alphas are often high achievers in the world of business and profession. Executive board rooms are populated with them. They are our highly successful attorneys and physicians, as well as our firefighters and policemen. Alpha men and women can show strong will, determination and perseverance in the world. They are assertive decision-makers who often have a “my way or the highway” attitude with people who disagree with them.
The same traits that gain the alpha male or female success in the outer world can cause big relationship problems at home. Their mate or family may find them overbearing and critical. Their partner or family may feel second place to the alpha’s goals and work schedule; they sometimes wish that they were as important. If an alpha is married to or partnered with another alpha, frequent fights may ensue. If they are with a beta partner or spouse, the beta partner may simply give in to the strong will of the alpha, but feel dominated, may withdraw, and/or become resentful.
This book specifically addresses these love problems that are particular to the alpha male or female, again providing the reader with an understanding of the problems and skills for addressing the problems. While its subtitle is addressed to the alpha male, it is supremely useful for alpha females (sections of the book speak specifically to them), anyone who is married to an alpha, and anyone who wants to address relationship issues and have a partnership or marriage that is alive, exciting, content and loving.
Interested in learning more about solving love problems? Get your copy of Winning at Love today!
